Friday, July 5, 2013

Another June, Another Wedding

For the second year in a row, we got to travel to an out of town family wedding. This time we flew resulting in a shorter trip and not quite as much adventure:

Five minutes prior to our flight's departure from the gate, the captain came on the intercom:

“Well, I guess this isn't really bad news but we have an equipment problem, and we'll have to ask everyone to vacate the plane. Hopefully, we can get a replacement plane and get you on your way.”

I wondered what he considered bad news. I can imagine his announcement if the plane suddenly started going down in a flaming death spiral:

“Well folks, as you can see we're having some issues up here but it's not the worst news. Oh wait, here comes the worst part...”

The second morning, I left the hotel room to get our morning coffee from the lobby Starbucks. As I waited for the elevator, I heard a bell ringing and pounding from one of the elevator doors followed by, “Hello? Hello?”

Apparently a damsel was stuck on the elevator. This caused a dilemma: help her out or go get my coffee (and maybe I should take the stairs to do so)?

With no tools, I figured I probably couldn't get the door open. I also realized that if I said anything to her, she might get irrational expectations that I could actually help, so I just went downstairs. But I did tell the front desk about her before I got the coffee.

(Note: I always thought the proper spelling for “dilemma” was “dilemna”. Not true, apparently. )

Pretty much every wedding weekend I attend involves a golfing excursion. This time we got to play with my 14 year-old nephew who was playing for the second or third time ever. We taught him some very important lessons:

  • Every golfer must learn how to drive the cart with his left foot while sitting on the passenger side, left hand on steering wheel and right hand holding a beer. (we allowed him to hold a soda instead)
  • He must also master the art of leaning out of the moving cart to pluck a golf ball from the ground.
  • If you hit an errant shot that hits a house, car, or person, do not approach! Immediately drive to the other side of the fairway, drop a new ball and pretend like nothing happened and/or blame it on someone else in the group.
  • Never hit on the beer cart girl for the same reason you never hit on strippers or Hooters' waitresses.

The outdoor, riverside, wedding ceremony started at 6:00 p.m. Everyone had large sweat stains on their backs before the dancing even started. Probably the best part occurred during a quiet prayerful moment during the ceremony when someone from a passing boat yelled, “Don't do it!”

During the reception, some guests grumbled that the DJ wasn't playing enough 70's music (ie disco). A family member mentioned something along the lines of, “with the exception of REM, the 80's were the worst decade for music.”

Flabbergasted, I stammered, “What? I will put together a three hour symposium on how 80's music is superior to 70's music.” Just then, a Bon Jovi song came on. “Okay, that doesn't help my case, but...”

The only disappointing thing about the trip was that there was no Kung Fu Fighting at the reception (the song nor a real fight).


  1. You make an interesting point about how pilots calmy announce "problems" to the passengers. I was on a Continental flight some years ago when the windshield in the cockpit cracked. The pilot calmly told us we would be making an emergency landing as the crack wasn't that big of problem but if the windshield broke the de-pressurization of the plane was a problem. (HHMMM...problem???? Isn't that a bit of an understatement?) These guys must take Valium before each flight.

    I am sure the 14 year old is so much wiser after your golf tutorial. All your lessons sound invaluable.

    I am proud that you alerted the clerk about the woman in the elevator prior to getting your coffee. Many wouldn't have been that selfless.

    1. Wow! I think I would have been asking that they go ahead and lower the oxygen masks in that scenario! Thanks for the comment!

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  3. Hi Dexter...I ventured over from Riot Kitty's blog...I hope you don't mind my dropping in uninvited.

    By the sounds of it, you did have a fun time at the wedding regardless of no Kung Fu Fighting!

    It's just as well the couple of "the day" didn't take notice of the advice thrown by the passing boat people!

    Cheers from Down Under

    1. Cheers! Glad you stopped by. Actually, the passing boat people were too late as the vows had already been sealed. But it was a nice try. Thanks for the comment!

  4. And what reason is the reason for the last tidbit of advice to your nephew?

    1. Hmmm, actually the nephew probably doesn't need the advice. It's the average middle aged golfer (like myself) who thinks the cute flirtatious 20 year old beer cart girl is flirting with him because he is hot and/or an awesome golfer when in reality she just wants a good tip. So just be a good tipper.

      Thanks for the comment.