My Repairman Can Beat Up Your Repairman

There are two things in the male culture that require full disclosure:

1. The price of a new car
2. The price of a car repair

The price of a new car is required to be transparent because everyone considers himself a superior haggler who will never get taken advantage of by a car salesperson. And the price of a car repair must be disclosed because everyone knows someone who can always do it cheaper.

Unfortunately I forgot about those caveats when we had the brakes fixed on our car a couple of months ago. I stopped at the local brewpub for a beer where I sat next to “Any Other Guy in the World” (who we will abbreviate as “Any” for our purposes here).

Female bartender: Can I help you?

Me: Give me the hoppiest IPA you have. And make it a 23 ouncer.

Any: Wow, tough day?

Me: Yeah, just got my car out of the repair shop.

Any: (to the bartender) Ma'am, put his beer on my tab.

Me: Thanks, mighty kind of you.

Any: I've been there. I'm sure you need a break after that. What did they get you for?

Me: Brakes. Front and back.

Any: Disks? Pads?

Me: Everything, plus some stuff I had never heard of.

Any: Wooh, that's tough. So what did they charge?

Me: A lot more than I had planned for.

Any: And what did you plan for?

Me: (after a long pause) A few hundred dollars.

Any: Mmm-hmm. (wincing) Now you didn't go to a …

Me: Dealer? Heck no. They'll rip you off. Charge you for the paper mats they put it in the car to avoid tracking in grease.

Any: Amen to that. (He raised his glass and I clinked mine with it.) So if you didn't go to the dealer then you probably got a fair deal. So what did it run you?

Me: ( I hesitated for a long time then finally realized I had to come clean) $800.

Any: Mercy! Were they solid gold brakes?

Me: Well it included a lifetime warranty.

Any: Sounds like 5 lifetime warranties to me, plus a pet Panda bear for the kids.

Bartender: That's not so bad. That's about what I paid when I had mine replaced.

Any: Well you're a woman.

Me: Yeah, you're supposed to get ripped off on car repairs. (pause) Hey, wait a minute, are you implying that I'm a woman?

Any: (shrugs, looks up at the ceiling, then sips his beer)

Me: I'm new to the area so I kind of had to guess on where to go. Back in Boston, I had a guy that could have done it for $500.

Any: Those are yankee prices. I got a guy out on County Road 400 would do it for $300 tops. And since he knows me, I get a friend discount of $150.

Me: That's nothing. My guy in Boston not only would give me the same friend discount, but he'd throw in a couple of Celtics courtside tickets.

Any: Basketball? My guy has a private suite at Cowboys Stadium which I get to use once a season as long as I get my oil changed by him.

Me: Ha! My guy pays me to change my oil.

Any: My guy drills then synthesizes his own oil and provides it free of charge. And it's a weight you can't find in any store. And he doesn't always ask to change my air filter.

(I finally realized we could declare it a draw at this point, plus he bought me a beer, so I decided to back off.)

Me: Your guy sounds impressive. How can he afford all that?

Any: He fixes a lot of women's cars.