Thursday, March 24, 2011

Economic Baggage

I am all in favor of airlines charging fees for baggage. Why should I expect to be able to pay the same airfare as I did ten years ago? Besides, I fly maybe twice a year and maybe check a bag (golf clubs) once; plus I live in a Southwest airlines market. So my opinion is actually pretty pointless.

Anyway, I booked one of my annual trips this week using frequent flyer miles. My mind then ran down the economic dilemma of whether or not to bring the golf clubs as argued by the golfer in my mind versus the financial guru:

Golfer: I want to play golf with family members but it will cost an extra $50 round trip to bring my clubs.

Guru: You could rent golf clubs at the course for maybe $20.

Golfer: But playing with unknown clubs, I will play terrible. It’s better to bring my own clubs.

Guru: You play golf once a year. You’re going to play terrible even if it’s a course with windmills and dinosaurs.

Golfer: Oh wise guru, you’re also forgetting that I’ll have to buy golf balls and a golf glove.

Guru: You can pack those in your carry-on. At least pack the golf glove and buy a sleeve or two of balls at the golf course.

Golfer: But pro shop golf balls are really expensive.

Guru: Not if you buy those slightly used ones they sell for $.50 each from the fishbowl on the counter. Or grab a few from the driving range.

Golfer: So now you want me to play with unfamiliar clubs and balls? You may as well pencil in my score of 150.

Guru: Ten strokes above your average? It’s worth the money savings.

Golfer: What about shoes? They won’t fit in my carryon.

Guru: Wear them.

Golfer: In an airport? I’ll look like a dork.

Guru: You’re also married, fat and have a mullet. It doesn’t matter what you look like anymore.

Golfer: Yeah, but security may confiscate the shoes as a weapon.

Guru: They’re rubber spikes! They can’t hurt anyone. In fact, they really don’t even help you on the golf course. You wear tennis shoes most of the time, remember?

Golfer: Well if it’s dry. But we’ll probably play in the morning dew and I don’t want to slip. And what if we end up with a stranger as the fourth person in the foursome? Won’t the stranger be terrified of playing with someone in tennis shoes, rental clubs and used golf balls?

Guru: Remember about 15 years ago when you got stuck playing with a guy that looked like a cross between John Denver, Grizzly Adams and Jesus Christ? He wore an old leather cowboy hat, jeans and sandals. Do you remember how you scoffed? And he went out and shot 72. If you play like that, no one cares how you look.

Golfer: So now you’re saying I should bring my clubs because I couldn’t possibly shoot 72 with rental clubs.

Guru: The only way you post 72 is if a tornado carries you away after the 12th hole or so.

Golfer: But it’s not just about a score. It’s the jokes, camaraderie, and the beer.

Guru: Go to a bar.

Golfer: Our wives won’t let us sit in a bar for five hours. That’s the only reason we golf.

Guru: I see. In that case you’ll want to check your golf bag on the flight but take all of the clubs out of it.

Golfer: Why?

Guru: You can fill it with ice and beer. You’ll save money in the long run.


  1. It's nice to know I'm not the only person who has full blown arguments with himself.

  2. Indeed. Of course I had to edit out the profanity; after all, this is a family blog. Thanks for the comment.