Jessie's Friend

Today we have another episode of: Songs I Find Perplexing.

If you grew up in the eighties, you are quite familiar with soap opera star turned pop star Rick Springfield's hit song "Jessie's Girl." Or maybe you just currently listen to an oldies station, and you are now familiar with that song. The song was a massive hit because to be honest it had a good beat, and I guess you could dance to it. But I'm not sure anyone ever paid much attention to the lyrics.

Quick synopsis (full lyrics or song): Rick is jealous of his friend Jessie's new girlfriend. And being the good friend that he is, Rick kind of would like to make that girl his girlfriend. Or just talk dirty to her, I'm not sure.

It's one thing to be envious or even a little jealous of a friend's lover, but when you start fantasizing and scheming, you're crossing the line into creepy stalker territory. Because of that, I felt I needed to write the rebuttal song from Jessie's point of view (to the tune of the original song):

Jessie's Friend

Rick is an old friend

Yeah more like some guy I know than friend

But something changed when I dated Chiffon

Now he follows us around like a lost puppy

And he's watching us with that telescope

And he's doing something with his hand, I just know it

He even knocks on our door, late late at night

Chorus:

You know I wish that Rick would go away

We never have time to ourselves

Where can we find a hiding place?

Chiffon told me 'bout the calls

Some guy breathing heavy then hanging up

I did some CSI, found the payphone booth

Saw Rick coming out, said "you seem out of breath"

He said hey I was looking to have a beer with you

I said Rick I think the beer is kind of moot

And he said, no you mean Moosehead

Chorus:

Why am I having a beer with Rick?

Why's he asking 'bout Chiffon's underwear?

Where can I find a hobby for Rick?

Bridge:

And we look in the mirror all the time

Wondering if he's coming up behind us

He brings Chiffon perfume and wine

Winks and tells her she needs a napkin

cus she seems dirty

Chorus:

You know I wish that Rick would go away

He's creepy and gettin' pretty scary

Why must I be Chiffon's bodyguard?

So we went to the police

Told them about Rick the stalker

They laughed and said that's impossible

Rick's a big soap star and makes so much bank

He's banging every Hollywood starlet

They just know it

He's still on the radio 30 years later

Chorus:

You know he'll never go away

Rick could have had any girl

Chiffon's asking 'bout his riches

Where can she find net worth like that?